I agree with all five points Gypsie addressed in this video. It is shared here for the benefit of non-collectors, who may need a dose of tolerance for those of us who love our dolls.
dbg
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I like this video! I have a friend who told me recently that I shouldn't upload photos of my dolls or toys on my Intagram because "it's just weird" so in some form or fashion all of these things have been said to me at some point over the years of collecting. On the flip side I have people who really love my collecting and can spend ages looking through my shelves or always 'like' a post that features my dolls. I do wonder what it says about the person that is so quick to judge and criticise a collector because I'm not sure in any other instance would another grown person feel it appropriate to question someone's life choices so outright. Perhaps because they are toys folks think we are over grown kids that require schooling in what it is to be an actual adult...last time I checked I got that bit down, thank you very much...and what insecurity do my dolls bring out in you...because you can keep it to yourself. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat said a conversation I had with my mum a couple of years ago went something like this:
Me: "Do you think I'm ever going to grow out of Barbie?" (I've been collecting for going on 30 years)
Mum: "No, Barbie's been part of your life for such a long time that I don't think she's going anywhere"
I was really touched by Mum's acceptance that Barbie and my dolls were just part of who I was, I think really that's all anyone wants (whatever we're discussing) acceptance and non-judgement for the things we love.
Or as Rupaul has said..."If they don't pay your rent, then pay them no mind". :)
Hi Julius,
DeleteYour friend, like everyone else needs a passion, which will direct a focus toward their passion and not toward what you or others are doing that provides joy. As they say, misery loves company. It could be that your friend is miserable and would like for you to be miserable, too. It's so wonderful you have a mother who understands your passion.
I agree with RuPaul's assessment: "If they don't pay your rent, then pay them no mind."
dbg
Thanks for sharing this video.Between work and illness, I haven't yet done nearly as much with my dolls and collecting as I want to but even what little I get to do has resuscitated - no, that isn't too strong a word- my interest and appreciation for all arts and crafts.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this hobby and those who take it up is that you get to both be in the parade and watch it pass by to the degree you want and it's still enjoyable.
As Gypsie points out those who criticize collectors are being rude and I'd add that they're often judgemental about anything they don't do. They don't just want you to stop collecting dolls, they also don't understand why you have so many books, spent so many years in school, volunteer so much for "that" cause or "those" people. They're just busybodies and if you listen to them they'll drain you of everything that makes you unique and makes life fun.
I love this description of doll collecting, Maricha: ...you get to both be in the parade and watch it pass by to the degree you want and it's still enjoyable.
DeleteThis is so true. Everyone collects what they like, what brings them pleasure and enjoyment; and even if they arrive at a point where funds or other lifestyle changes force them to slow down in their collecting (let's face it, we'll all get there some day), they still have the memories of the entire journey that brought them thus far.
I have been asked another question about collecting that used to irritate me, but I began to realize that the people asking it are both insensitive and just do not understand why people, in general collect whatever it is they desire to collect.
Do you only collect black dolls?
The person who asked me this was also a collector, but she was not black and possibly just could not understand why someone would "like" or even want an entire collection of black dolls. She possibly had issues with or preconceived, stereotypical notions about black people in general without realizing we are all individuals with feelings, tastes, desires, preferences, goals... you know, human.
My answer to her was a question: Do you only collect white dolls?
Our communication was via email, but I know if the question had been asked in person (well maybe she wouldn't have felt comfortable enough to ask in person), there would have been silence. Her eventual reply was, "Yes."
My dolls are a reflection of me, a reflection of my culture and how black people have been portrayed in doll form throughout the years. The dolls I collect fill a void of not owning black dolls as a child. If I were attempting to create a diverse doll collection, a collection that represents society, of course, I would include other dolls, but that is not my goal and never will be.
We all have to buy what we like without regard to what others think. I am sure we, as collectors know this, it's the others (and even some who are also collectors) who need to realize this. "Do you and let me do me" is how I feel.
dbg
I very much echo your sentiment that we all have to buy what we like and not judge what others like.
DeleteIf I hadn't started my collection by purchasing dolls I'd had in childhood it wouldn't mean as much to me. As the song goes, I'd grown accustomed to their face and missed them.
People who collect anything simply with an eye to eventual profit soon grow bored and that's even more true for dolls and other items small enough to live with day in and day out.
Like you said above those who don't get this haven't found their passion yet or they'd get ours. I've unfortunately also seen a bit of this incomprehension in other collectors like the one who asked about your collection. They puzzle and annoy me the most because, theoretically, they should get it. I've come to the conclusion that their interest is more in accumulating for its own sake, which turns collecting into a competition to keep up with the Joneses for them instead of being a fun journey. I'm too busy enjoying my collection and admiring those of others to pay these tiresome people much attention.
I could never collect for potential monetary gain; the market is too iffy. People who do that take a risk; and since I don't gamble, I could never be "that" collector. Now if I happen to tire of something and desire to sell it in the future, I do hope to recoup the money I paid; and if I make a little extra, that's always good too. If I take a loss, I accept that as well after factoring in the pleasure the doll gave me.
DeleteKeeping up with the Joneses or having something because someone else has it has never been a game I desired to play either.
dbg
I have gotten..."you still play with dolls? Do you have a husband?" Kind of like the "are you gay" question. " Collecting dollhouses is an expensive hobby" then a stare at me waiting for me to explain how I can afford them. "Were you poor and couldn't afford one when you were little?" "How much would you say your collection was worth" Another tacky financial question. These are just a few questions I get. I collect 1:12, 1:6 and other scales.
ReplyDeleteOh yea, just for the record nobody asks a train collector those kinds of questions. It is an acceptable hobby. There are hobbies way more expensive than mine and you dont hear...you ski, own a boat, travel, golf, raise horses,etc...isnt that expensive?
DeleteWhen I say I travel to miniature shows and other activities they look at me like I have 3 heads. LOL
I agree but can't help but notice that the hobbies that don't get criticized are the ones that are traditionally masculine or that are used to network for business.
DeleteOh yes, TGM, asking about the cost of the collection or the cost of even one doll is also quite tacky.
DeleteWomen are expected to just take care of the household, the children, work, and do other so-called "adult" activities. The entire problem stems from dolls being viewed as playthings, never realizing that some dolls are designed for adults who collect them. A doll is a doll to these folks and it's meant for child's play only.
I'm also often asked how many dolls I own. Early on in my collecting infancy, this question didn't bother me. Now I just give a vague answer like, too many to count.
Maricha, you're right, male hobbies (unless they involve dolls) are rarely questioned. There is definitely a double-standard here.
dbg
Thank you so much for sharing the link of this video with us. I know people who should see this before they ever set their eyes on my dolls again.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, Arlette. If necessary, please do share the link with those who need to see it and better understand our affection for doll collecting.
Deletedbg
I enjoyed the video. I have heard a few of those points from my friends.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, MDW.
Deletedbg
My stance is that I enjoy dolls and action figures. If someone is critical about that, they can tell me that once. We won't ever discuss it again. We also won't likely talk much in the future.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the link to Gypsie's video.
You're welcome, D7ana!
Deletedbg
Great video. Luckily I have not had to defend my doll collecting. Probably because my family has always been so supportive. Even when I was married, my husband was so on board with my doll making and doll playing.
ReplyDeleteThat's wonderful your family has been supportive, Vanessa. I think for the most part, most families are supportive of collectors. Mine has always been. It's just those outsiders who want to pick you apart or make you feel like there's something wrong with an adult enjoying dolls. Again, I say, if they had a true passion, they'd have less time to worry about what others are doing to find happiness.
Deletedbg
So so true!
DeleteThe "don't you have enough dolls?" thing is quite bittersweet to me because the main person in my life who said that to me died two days ago. That really upset me when he was alive, but now I feel guilty for being so bothered for something that seems a bit petty now that he's gone...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss.
Delete:-(
dbg